he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
