So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
