I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
