I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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