you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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