Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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