Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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