just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
