The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
