i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
