hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
