i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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