I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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