Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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