You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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