If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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