I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
