So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
