look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
