it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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