Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
