3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
