I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
