I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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