i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize