i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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