I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
