i don't like sucking hair
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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