he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
