She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
