I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
