i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
