Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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