When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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