I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
