remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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