Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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