im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
