You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize