She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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