I am puke
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
