It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
