He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
