it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
