I hope my margaritas pass through security.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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