He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
