So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
