Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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