We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
