**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At least life still wants to fuck me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
