i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
