Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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