im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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