Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
