I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
