I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
