john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
