Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
